This is my last blog of the year, and the holidays are on my mind. Here we are in the holiday season which can be so wondrous but also full of frenzy, stress and sometimes down right triggering. For those who are grieving, it can be an especially difficult time. For those with trauma histories this may also be a reminder of traumatic events or just triggering. This is just a heightened time that makes us feel like we should be happy or having fun. If we are not feeling that way, we may feel like there is something wrong with us.
Normal Stressor
The normal holiday stressors can include extra responsibilities of gift buying, decorating, mailing packages, sending out cards, dinners, parties, or anything else that comes with it. Last year was a bit odd, with a lot of people not doing their normal holiday gathering. But this year, there has been a return to holiday parties, dinners, or other traditions, even if they are being modified in some ways. If you went without or low-key last year, there may be a need to go all out this year with extra stuff.
Managing Stressors
How do you manage all the stressors? It might be utilizing the power of the NO; it scares many to pull out the all-powerful NO, but it can be applied this time of year just like it can be used at any other time during the year. It might be making choices of what you will participate in and what is too much. It is about enjoying what you do, not about how much you do. How much, is a personal choice. And if yours is less than others, that is okay, if that feels right for you.
Grief
If you experienced a loss this year or even last year, this may be a triggering time or a sad time for you. It also may feel a bit confusing as to how to manage it. Should I celebrate? Do I want to celebrate? What will others expect me to do? What do I want to do? There is a lot you will have to decide.
You can choose to skip the holidays. It is perfectly acceptable to decide to skip all the holiday stuff this year which includes decorating, gift giving, parties, or dinners. Sometimes that is what we need to do.
Whether you scale it back or avoid it all, it is an individual choice. You do not have to feel guilty about whatever you decide to do. You get a pass, and you can choose self-compassion and self-kindness for yourself this year. You can also focus on others and volunteer somewhere if that feels right. Please let yourself guide you here. There is no correct way to grieve; you get to choose.
Triggers
This just might be another holiday season full of triggers and something you just get through. If the holidays are triggering, you again get to choose not to celebrate. You need to figure out what you need. However, like any triggers it is also an opportunity to work on them, whether you do this yourself, go to a support group or decide it is time to go to a therapist. Triggers are a good reminder on what we need to heal, and healing is always going to be the healthy choice. You do, however, get to decide when you will do that though. It does not need to be right now but give yourself what you need.
Healing
Healing is about choosing yourself. We are all walking around with old wounds, but some have had the chance to heal, and others are opened with puss coming out. Not a very pleasant visual but to know that you have serious and open wounds and are choosing to ignore them, may mean you are not choosing yourself. It may be a process and can take whatever amount of time it takes.
It is important to recognize that we are all deserving of healing and moving forward. If you are stuck or for some reason do not believe you deserve anything more, maybe it is a sign you need someone to help you in the healing process. Please reach out for help. Take the little steps so you will reach your potential and live the life you were meant to live. Ask for help or seek guidance if you need to.
Be The Priority
You can be the priority. We have gotten through some difficult years. You have permission to modify, change or start something new if that is what you want. Put self-care and self-compassion as a priority and let it guide you here.
Finding Some Joy
Just take care of yourself and listen to what you need to help guide your decisions on what you need to do. Find joy where you can. If it is spending time with family, and friends then do that. Maybe just spending time reading and drinking hot chocolate will bring you joy. Sometimes we just need to hibernate a little bit. Whatever you need. Scale down, decide to skip it or go full out holiday crazy.
Self-Care
What the last few years has reminded me, is that life can change rather quickly, and we should never put off what we really want to do and the importance in finding balance and joy in the present moment.
We have a powerful opportunity here to focus on our own needs. Again, if you just need to get through the holidays then do that. I hope if you need healing in your life, you will focus on healing either this month or in the new year. At some point we do need to decide to thrive and not settle for just getting through. But you need to decide when you do that.
Final Thought
As we come to the end of another year, it is also a time to be a bit reflective and decide to set an intention. So, there’s no reason not to start now and not wait until next year. Set an intention that you will put yourself as a priority and give yourself the care you deserve. I hope everyone has a blessed holiday season and that you get whatever you need this holiday season and in the coming year.
Photo by Alexander Solodukhin
Blog, “First Aid Tools for Stress and Overload Managing in Stressful Times”, https://illuminationcounselingservice.com/2021/09/14/first-aid-tools-for-stress-and-overload-managing-in-stressful-times/
Blog, “Is It Time For A Change?”, https://illuminationcounselingservice.com/2022/01/01/is-it-time-for-a-change/
Check out more recent blog, “Getting Through The Holiday Season”, https://illuminationcounselingservice.com/2023/11/17/getting-through-the-holiday-season-updated/,
