It seems like time for some self-reflection and to do a little check-in. Initially I planned to update a prior blog from (May 1, 2022) but realized a lot has changed so I am doing a new blog with a similar theme. The initial blog was about pondering the quote from Socrates, “an unexamined life is not worth living” (published in Plato’s “Apology”). I will again take time for some self-reflection. I’m feeling much more optimistic and hopeful right now which might just be a good time for some self-reflection.
As I reflect on the last several years, I realized there seems to have been a profound shift in the world. Of course, the world like me is always changing. Change is the one constant of life. Depending on one’s perspective that could be good or bad but likely a bit mixed. I have mostly adjusted to those perceived changes, and I have survived my own personal difficulties.
Losses
The last several years have been full of change and loss. I was feeling like I had come out from all the feelings related to all the changes and losses that have occurred over the last few years. But then got hit with a flood of feelings as I come up on the anniversary of one of my losses. It was a reminder and an uncomfortable truth regarding grief from the loss of a loved one. It changes but doesn’t go away. Grief will change over time, but it is always present. It can feel and look different but doesn’t really end. Even when we feel like we have moved through it, it can hit us hard.
“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.”
~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler
Other Losses and Changes
There are many other types of losses that can occur. The ending of a relationship sometimes can feel like a death. There can be changes in your different relationships that will occurs over time. And depending on where they stem from change is to be expected. People change jobs or can move away and as lives change so can relationships. I have had the ending of a relationship and many changes in other relationships. The ending of a relationship can be hard. Or even adapting to changes in those relationships. There have been many changes in many relationships over the last few years. With individuals changing jobs, retiring, moving out of the area and just plain ending, I have been able to maintain most of my relationships, but they do look much different.
Other types of losses/changes that occur can be loss or change of a job, a move, or any change that feels impactful. Faces of grief can be very different. I would expect most people may have experienced a loss of some kind over the last several years, but most likely somethings have changed. It could be related to job change, the end of an important relationship, or a move away from family/friends. Ending a relationship by choice can be difficult but may not feel the same level of devastation as when it feels like a relationship ended abruptly. Any type of loss can be hard and requires time and healing.
Photo by BETZY AROSEMENA on Unsplash (@traveland_photos)
Impact of Change
We learn how to live with it, mostly. Whatever life has brought you over the last few years. Many people have found a way to move forward. Or at least try to move forward. Whether it has been with some acceptance that this is what life is or creating a new chapter for yourself. If you are still feeling stuck, you may need more time, or you may need some help to move through all the feelings/emotions. I think we need to integrate what we have experienced into who we are through processing the feelings/emotions/experiences.
There is some recognition that our life is different from what we thought it would be or what it was. It can be a long-drawn-out process. Interesting thing though, when reflecting we sometimes realize we are at the other end of it. Or maybe we realize we are somewhere in the middle. It will happen at some point that we are in a different place. Have you processed all the loss and change that have occurred? We have to recognize there is something there. We cannot process or integrate it, if we have not actually had any awareness or taken stock of it in the first place. This brings us back to self-reflection.
Why Practice?
It is important to take the time and reflect on what is going on in our lives. Through self-reflection we can start to make sense of what has happened to us or where we are right now. It gives us an opportunity to evaluate what we have learned and maybe even give us a new perspective as we look back. It can help us grow and give us some directions on where to go next. And it is a chance to self-reflect.
How to Practice
How do we practice self-reflections? It starts with putting time aside to do some self-reflection. Some tools to help the process could include journaling, meditation, mindfulness practices, and/or even talking to a friend or therapist. You can use prompts such as asking questions. You can start with doing a check-in with yourself. Such as “How am I feelings?” or “What is coming up for me?”. You can also ask specific questions around different areas. These areas could be around personal growth, emotions, mindset, relationships, daily habits, lifestyle, self-care and well-being.
Photo by Jakayla Toney on Unsplash
Values
Values can be a good theme around self-reflection when we have been living in survival mode and can get away or disconnect from what our values are. We must separate beliefs from values. Beliefs are around assumptions about us and the world. So, what are values? This can be complicated, but they are what we deemed as important but also are guiding principle or concepts we hold dear on how we live our lives.
Asking, “What are my values?” can be an important self-reflection activity. Is it my family, freedom, curiosity, learning, compassion, authenticity, honesty, or safety? And there are many more possibilities. Here is a link on values, https://brenebrown.com/resources/dare-to-lead-list-of-values/. Once we identify our values an important question to ask ourselves is, “Are we living within those values and/or in alignment with those values?” Are the choices I have been making feel that I’m honoring my values?
Challenges with Self-Reflection
There can be challenges with self-reflection because when we are taking stock of what is going on in our lives, we can feel uncomfortable. There can be discomfort when dealing with emotions/feelings and any kind of self-reflections. We also need to be careful to approach it with self-compassion in order to avoid self-judgement and self-criticism. There is the obvious challenge of finding the time or just setting aside the time to do it. It is an important activity even if it might be challenging.
My Self-Reflections
For me self-reflection is about slowing down and assessing. Taking time to acknowledge what has happened to me and how much I have grown. It can be about changes that have occurred or even choices I have made. It is looking back on what has happened and my responses to it. At this point in my life this is where I am. It is important to acknowledge that. It is a chance to make course corrections when needed. If we never stop and self-reflect then we can go off our path and not be aware for some time.
It gives us a chance to take notice if we are staying within our values and when we need to adjust. Maintain compassion for yourself during your self-reflections. Self-reflection can also be an opportunity for gratitude and appreciation too. Life can have many challenges but also many blessings. It is important to reflect on all we are grateful for as well as the difficult parts of our journey. But have a balanced look on it as we reflect on our blessings and our mistakes. As I self-reflect on everything, what is left is much to be grateful for and many blessings to appreciate.
“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.”
~ Havelock Ellis
Prior blog, “Self-Reflection”, https://illuminationcounselingservice.com/2022/05/01/self-reflection/
Featured image: Photo by Michael Afonso on Unsplash
