I have been pondering the quote from Socrates, “an unexamined life is not worth living” (published in Plato’s “Apology”), I do think there is something important about self-reflection individually and collectively for continued growth, understanding and finding purpose. It is always good to do some self-reflection if you have not done it before or just take an opportunity to check-in.
Reevaluation
The last few years have been full of change and loss. It is a good time to do an evaluation and self-inquiry on the impact of the last few years may have had on your life. It can be grief over loss of family or friends. There may have been loss of a job. You may now be permanently working remotely or maybe you returned back to the office. Whether it is loss of connections, loss of routine, and just loss of what had been your normal.
Even though some things have moved back to normal in many ways, we cannot do a reset back to February 2020. That is unrealistic. We all need to accept life is constantly changing and we cannot go back in time. But it is not just the circumstances that have changed, we need to look at just how we have changed individually.
Where are we?
Have you processed all the loss and change that have occurred? It is the first step. We cannot process and integrate if we have not actual had any awareness or taken stock of it in the first place. It might be clearer if we have lost a person, or a job over the more abstract losses or changes, such as the loss of routine gathering, the wedding you had wanted, being able to grieve or say goodbye the way you would have wanted and changes in relationships. It can be difficult to be able to even look at what may have changed.
We need to grieve. We cannot move past grief unless we acknowledge it and process it. It takes as long as it takes. For some it will be a while before they can integrate their grief. For some you may feel like you have processed all the changes, losses, and your grief. Next you need to ask an important question, who are you now? What has changed in who you are? This important part of self-reflection is acknowledging you have changed for better or worse. Who are you now?
Self-Reflections
Through self-reflection it will allow us to process and make sense of everything that has happened to us. Everything that has been learned. Even any missteps made. Can we truly learn if we do not stop and reflect on what has happened? It can allow us to take notice, understand and look at the situation from a different perspective. This allows us to grow but can even strengthen our relationships. It can create greater understanding and connection to others.
Value/Purpose
Connecting to our values and finding purpose in our lives. I think the pursuit of a meaningful existence is important to growth and ultimately our happiness. We need to reconnect to our values. We need to find meaning and purpose in our existence. For us to embrace our humanness we are required to look at our life. Where do we start? I think we go back to our values.
Core Values
We need to return to the question, what are my core values? We have values that we maintain throughout our life, though if we ask what our top 2 or 3 are at a given time that might shift over time or at different times in our lives. Here is an exercise you can download at: https://brenebrown.com/resources/living-into-our-values/.
It starts with looking at a list of different values. You can start with circling 10 or so but then settle on 2 values that really define you. This is an exercise that lets you dig into those values. You can read my prior blog on values too at: https://illuminationcounselingservice.com/2021/11/20/living-your-values/.
Belief
Beliefs are vastly different from values. Our beliefs are really assumptions we have about the world and again these should shift through life experience and should not be cemented. We may want to actively challenge these assumptions too. They are contextual based on our experiences and our environment.
It is important to continue to grow and part of that is challenging old thinking patterns and beliefs that we grow out of or that are based on someone else’s values. Some of the beliefs we held since childhood which may be even more important to challenge. Through some self-reflection we can look at those beliefs and assess if they are in alignment with our values and our purpose.
I have never like the saying that something is done a certain way because that is how it has always been done. If we stay fixed and stuck in one place, where is the growth? It can be important to really have some inquiry regarding the assumptions we make and to challenge some of those beliefs.
Self- Inquiry
Are you living your values? The changes in who you are now, do they reflect in your values and finding a purposeful life? What insights has come out of the last few years about yourself and world? What assumptions or beliefs do you have about the world that are in conflict with your values?
We need to bring perspective into our life and increase our self-awareness. Taking time and assess what is going on with us with non-judgement, and in a neutral way. Look at your emotions, feelings, thoughts, behaviors, and actions. We can spend our lives on autopilot just behaving and reacting the same way we have always done but feeling stuck, empty, and lost.
Take Inventory
Time to recognize what is going on right in your life and what changes you may have already incorporated. A time to decide what you want to keep and what needs to change to better meet those values that give you purpose and joy.
Ask some questions and see what comes from it. It is taking a look inside and connecting to yourself. It is giving you an opportunity to make changes. Approaching this activity with openness and curiosity can bring the possibility of transformation.
Some questions to ask, ….
- What are my values? How am I honoring them?
- How do my values show up in my everyday life?
- What have I learned about myself over the last 2 years?
- How do I show up?
- What am I struggling with now?
- Is my present struggles different from past struggles?
- What am I doing to stay healthy?
- Do I feel content with my life?
- What do I love about my life?
- What am I proud about in my life?
- Do I have balance? If not, what can I do better?
- Do I feel well-connected to others?
- What am I grateful for?
- What habits do I need to add or break?
- Where would I like to see my life head towards?
- What changes have enhanced my life?
- How am I avoiding being present in my life?
Don’t Give Up
For anyone who has not done much self-reflection and has spent a lot of time on autopilot this will feel uncomfortable. When we have to actually take notice and have self-awareness on what is going on in our life, this can be difficult and uncomfortable when we have spent a long time hiding from feeling or acknowledging what is going on. It can be painful to acknowledge it. But even though it can be difficult at first, there is a lot to gain. We can only heal what is in our awareness. When we take notice, change can happen. We can only integrate what is first brought forward.
Final Thought
You can use some of the questions above or come up with questions of your own. The activity is about really reflecting and looking into the mirror and coming up with some answers for yourself. Self-inquiry and self-reflection are examining our thoughts, insight and beliefs which can significantly improve psychological wellbeing. It can help move towards change and better relationships, living within your values and finding purpose.
Self-reflection is quite different from rumination which is being stuck in negative thought patterns of looping and repeated thought patterns. Journaling these questions will give more focus and can help with avoiding the rumination patterns. Writing it down will give more clarity. Try to be consistent and set a goal. I would suggest trying to write daily for at least 30 days. It can be for 10 minutes or 30 minutes. Just put aside some time. You can address a different question each day.
This is a chance to be honest and create some long-lasting transformation. When we participate in self-reflection is gives us greater understanding. It will allow us to show up differently than to move to make changes in our families, communities, and the world.
Photo by Alexei Maridashvili https://unsplash.com/@lexoge
Past blogs, “Can Healing Be Overwhelming”, https://illuminationcounselingservice.com/2021/08/13/can-healing-be-overwhelming/
Past blog, “Expanding Your Window”, https://illuminationcounselingservice.com/2021/12/08/expanding-your-window/
Blog, ‘Ruminating! Time To Stop”, https://illuminationcounselingservice.com/2022/08/12/ruminating-time-to-stop/
Blog, “Reflecting: Crossroads, Transitions, and Endings”, https://illuminationcounselingservice.com/2023/08/31/reflecting-crossroads-transitions-and-endings/
