What is resiliency? It is our ability to manage what comes at us. You can think of resiliency as being able to stretch and recover. And being able to bounce back from what life throws at you. Our genetics play a role as well as our life experiences on our resiliency level. We can build our resiliency throughout childhood, adolescence and yes, even as adults. Let’s boost your resiliency.
How Resilient Are You?
Here is a quiz you can take and see where you fall in your resiliency level. Go to link to test your resiliency level, https://www.resiliencyquiz.com/index.shtml. Whether you are high or low on resiliency, you can always build or strengthen your resiliency levels.
Building Resilience
If you have moved into adulthood lacking high resiliency levels, there is still time to build it up. There are many things we can do to become more resilient individuals. I will address a few of the following in greater details. Many of these practices will not just build resiliency but can just make our brains better and be good for overall well-being.
Here are some different practices that could help with building resiliency:
- self-compassion practices
- cultivating forgiveness
- growth mindset
- changing the narrative
- meditation
- mindfulness
- staying flexible
- facing your fears
- gratitude practices
- social connections
- bringing in humor
- savoring positive experiences
- self-care
Growth Mindset
What is a growth mindset? It is the belief that our talents can be developed through hard work, good strategies and input from others. It is also a certain belief that we can learn from our challenges. And through these experiences we can increase our knowledge and abilities. It is taking any mistakes, setbacks or challenges as opportunities to grow and learn something new. It is becoming a curious learner. Basically, it is believing we can always grow and get better.
Some ways to build this are to take an opportunity to learn something new: different type of cooking/new recipes, new language, new instrument, or a new game. Another strategy is cultivating a learner mindset and use “question thinking,” a method of problem solving, “What is useful here?” or “What are my available choices?” It is keeping an open mind and exploring new and different ideas. This growth mindset will give your resilience a boost.
Change the Narrative
When something bad happens, we often relive the event over and over in our heads, rehashing the pain. This process is called rumination or cognitive spinning of the wheels. Changing the narrative is shifting our thinking and looking at it differently, from a new perspective. This can increase our flexibility and resiliency.
Firstly, an example is trying some expressive writing to change those old stories which are stuck. Look at it in a new way. Here is an exercise to try. You will need to spend 20 minutes a day for 3 weeks. You will do free writing of thoughts and feelings. It can help with a new perspective and crafting a new narrative and gaining more sense of control.
Another exercise suggests writing a full narrative about a painful or plaguing event, but writing about it once, and in the third person (i.e., she, he, it). This exercise has been shown to have both immediate and longer terms positive effects. It might do this by helping us separate ourselves from the story.
Cultivate Forgiveness
When we cultivate forgiveness, this has a strong impact on mental and physical wellbeing. This can be a hard concept for many. Sometimes it is about forgiving ourselves. Or about forgiving others for something done to us. It is about you and not necessarily the person who harmed you. It is letting go of resentment. You do not have to let the other person know, let them off the hook or reconcile with them.
This can be done through a forgiveness meditation or a ritual. It can be writing a letter of forgiveness (which no one else has to see). For instance, here is an exercise that you can try called “Nine Steps to Forgiveness” at https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/nine_steps_to_forgiveness?_ga=2.25105338.1450412861.1652733310-408810680.1644262427.
You can also try a Forgiveness Meditation, here is example from Jack Kornfield to try at https://jackkornfield.com/audio-forgiveness-meditation/ but you can find others to try as well.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is really about our awareness and being present in the moment. This can be done in a formal meditation practice. Or it can be something that is done throughout the day. It is pausing and moving to observing and just being present with whatever is going on. It is observing the sensation in the body, our thoughts, sounds, smells, sights and even feelings. Observing without judgement. It is an amazingly simple practice but can be exceedingly difficult to shift to. An examples of mindfulness meditation is a sitting practice that is anchored by sound or focusing on the breath.
Here is a short one to try at https://www.uclahealth.org/marc/mpeg/Body-Sound-Meditation.mp3.
You can use any element in your experience as an anchor. What are you noticing right now? You can even use whatever distraction you might notice. If there is loud music next door that is catching your attention, then use that as an anchor. Mindfulness has many benefits. This includes helping to stay regulated and to manage your emotional reactions. This is not about suppressing them or controlling them. But instead, relating to them and staying open and curious. Being more mindful will improve resiliency.
Final Thought
Many of these practices have many benefits. If the last 2 years taught me anything, it is the importance of resiliency and being able to get through challenging and tough times. You can decide how much time you want to put into building your resiliency. Find the approach to building resiliency that works for you. You can try and add a few things into your day or week. How about adding more laughter into your day? Or maybe having a gratitude practice or maybe just take notice of the good experiences and savor them. The different methods to build resiliency can improve our brain, reduce our stress, reduce anxiety/depression and maybe just make us happier people.
Here is an educational and humorous you tube video about the brain and resilience, called “Brains: Journey to Resilience”, https://youtu.be/HJvDrT6N-mw.
A blog, “A Self-Compassion Practice Can Be The Change You Need” at https://illuminationcounselingservice.com/2021/06/30/a-self-compassion-practice-can-be-the-change-you-need-2/
Photo by Pablo Arena on unsplash, https://unsplash.com/@pabloarenas
